$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
