Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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