I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
