Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
