She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
