Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
