I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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