Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
