We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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