So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
