Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
