I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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