Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
if only i could text you this smell
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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