Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm both gender and math confused
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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