I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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