1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My dick has a subreddit
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
