I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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