Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She bit a glass in half.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
