It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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