I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize