hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
