What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
