i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize