Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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