no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
