just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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