I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You made out with two different species that night
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
