Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
