sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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