I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
operation harelip BJ is a go
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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