Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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