Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
