God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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