But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
