oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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