I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize