he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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