I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
