exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
