you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
