Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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