Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
