For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
as a side note pls kill me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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