He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
