I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
