Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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