woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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