im drinking this country out of the recession.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize