it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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