You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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