so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
