The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Blood and glitter go together right?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
