she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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