having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
