i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
