would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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