girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
