I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We got so high we made milksteak
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
