awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
