Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
