I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
