just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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