You're my little dorito
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
