Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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