I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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