Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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