Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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