Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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