Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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