the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
