3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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