Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
