someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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