Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
