dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Green mimosas i think yes
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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