Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The Olympian is in my bed
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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