You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
no you cant smoke seaweed
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
