is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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