I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
