so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
