I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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