Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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