I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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