Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
NoShamevember. You game?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
