I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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