I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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